once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
