My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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