so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
