All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Less talking, more tequila
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize