Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
