talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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