Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
