what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
