my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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