Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize