i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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