new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
