VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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