I feel great
I just peed on a car
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
