i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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