HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
