did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
