Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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