I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
