Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize