like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
