Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
