so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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