yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
