just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
