Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
