It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
