I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
