in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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