i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
