I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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