my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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