I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
