you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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