Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
