I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
