East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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