I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
