if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
