Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
