Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
