eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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