Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
