My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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