i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
