I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
