I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
