I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Little spoons don't ask big questions
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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