You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
