but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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