I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
