I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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