with your own penis?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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