i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
PANTIES FOUND
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
