You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
