shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
