my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
