wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
