Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
