Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
