Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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