My room smells like vodka and shame
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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