she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
