omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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