I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it because I queefed?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
