Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
