wat bout pragnant strippers??
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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