I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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