not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize