What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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