If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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