And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
