You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
