"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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