I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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