8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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