I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
