I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm like, not good at living.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
