Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize