I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
