Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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