Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize