i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize