I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
