I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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