Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
