Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my poor anus
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
