Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
