She's JV to your varsity
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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