he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
