Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
