I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
