So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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