theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
