Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
