I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
