1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
